
Our friend Leslie arrived on Friday for a weekend visit. the first official guest at our new home in Amstelveen. A walk in the park. A stroll alongWe had grand plans in store for her, as Amstelveen’s quiet streets. A boat tour through bustling Amsterdam’s canals. A fine plan, indeed.
Leslie lives in Germany and had lived there for a while as a child, with various visits to other parts of Europe. So she was no stranger to The Netherlands. But since her last visit was at age 7, it would be fun to get a fresh sense of what’s afoot in the lowlands.
After a fairly good night’s sleep, despite the fact Leslie had slept on a mattress we later determined to have all the softness of a rock quarry, we set about implementing our grand plan. And implementation quickly became full of detours and diversions.
Josy decided to go get a quick haircut. It had been far too long, she said. And the salon opened at 8:30, so she could theoretically get her hair cut and be back home in no time. While Leslie, the kids and I munched on French toast, Jo headed out the door.
Detour #1 got into play when Leslie and I decided to put Ben’s bunk bed together. His mattresses had finally arrived Friday and he was so excited about having his very own bunk bed, we simply couldn’t wait. We collected all the necessary tools, parts and instructions and started our little construction project. Ben was “helping” throughout by holding screws and bolts, and occasionally losing track of them in the committed yet thoroughly distractible way of a four year-old.
At 9:30, Josy returned. And as a result of Detour #1, Leslie and I hadn’t actually gotten around to showering or getting dressed, let alone dressing the kids. Usually, Josy and I can team tag, with one of us doing whatever weekend project and the other getting the kids ready and supervising them. 10am was upon us and time was flying.
Wrapping up the bunk bed construction as rapidly as I could, with Ben and Sophie jumping around on the top bunk with all the caution of bulls in a china shop, I took a turn showering and getting ready to go. As other parents of small children will understand, it was no surprise that by the time we were all set to head out, noon had arrived and Sophie was looking seriously drowsy. Detour #2 was upon us: naptime.
For those unfamiliar with the power of naptime, let me assure you that its appeal cannot be overstated for parents of small children. Where every incentive and punishment in the book may fail, there’s nothing like a good nap to calm a child down and put them back on a path toward good behavior. All that, in turn, preserves a parent’s sanity and just makes the whole world seem like such a brighter, shinier, happier place. We’re talking Shangri-la. So, while napping meant that we had to postpone our excursion further, resistance was unthinkable.
Undeterred from our weekend ambitions by these diversions, we found ourselves at 4pm discussing how we could still head for the city center now in time for a rondvaart (“rund-fart”), or canal boat tour, followed by dinner. Full of optimism, away we went in the usual formation, each of us shouldering various bags containing diapers, wipes, kid snacks, changes of clothes or water. Ben was riding his bike, which we’d leave locked at the tram stop, and Sophie rode in the stroller.
I nearly forgot to mention Detour #3. The decision to take the tram instead of the bus. Both bus and tram go from Amstelveen to the Leidseplein (“lied-suh-plane”) area of Amsterdam. That’s where our in-depth 5 minutes of Internet research had shown at least one canal boat company to be located. The bus, while its route passed just three blocks from our house, seemed so unexciting compared to the more authentic mode of tram travel, with the nearest stop a 15 min. walk away. Or maybe that’s 15 min. when I’m walking alone. At any rate, it was 5pm before we were onboard a tram, headed into town.
When I was a kid, I always used to wonder why mom liked to aim for having dinner around 5pm. Now as a parent, I feel like I’ve been let in on her secret motivation. After 5pm, kids’ behavior begins a vicious downward spiral until they’re fed. Feeding by 5 meant keeping sanity alive.
Ben and Sophie, despite their afternoon rest and the fun distraction of riding the tram, were starting to time out as we reached the Leidseplein. No tasty snack from our collection of rations could stave off the rising tide of hunger. By the time we got to the rondvaart departure point, the kids were actively acting out, bridling at being cooped up in the stroller or constrained by the hand. When we discovered that the rondvaart took 75 minutes instead of the 1 hour advertised online, and that the next boat wouldn’t leave for another 25 min., we started looking for Plan B.
How ‘bout, I suggested, we grab a quick bite and then go on a rondvaart afterwards? That’ll take the edge off for the kids and we’ll all be much happier. With unanimous consent, we headed for the nearest authentic Amsterdam restaurant overlooking the canal – an Irish pub.
After the usual settling in that’s required when camping out with kids around an outdoor table – parking the stroller, depositing the kids in seats and shoving more snacks at them – we looked around for a server. And looked. And looked. And waited. And waited.
A squall passed by and unleashed a brief deluge. Fellow patrons scattered, abandoning the smattering of uncovered tables with the best views of the canal. We scrambled to relocate under a large umbrella twice, the second time because of the impromptu downspout that suddenly released its pent up contents over the seat that Leslie had thankfully just vacated.
“We need to go inside,” complained Sophie, who never complains, her leg and hair now wet from the downspout’s collateral damage. But inside would be no picnic, with the current Dutch tolerance for smoking and its unavoidable result – a pervasive, noxious indoor smog that hangs in nearly every establishment. Sorry, Sophie, we’ll get food in a minute, we reassured her without conviction.
Finally, the server appeared, took our order and miraculously delivered our food in what seemed like no time. Maybe it was just that we’d waited so long already, another 15 minutes felt like the blink of an eye. Or maybe it was just that the kids were getting numb with the cold. In any case, we all welcomed dinner with great enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm, that is, until the ketchup ran out.
Our kids, reportedly like a few other kids here and there, have come to regard ketchup as a staple ingredient in almost any meal. Ketchup on chicken. Ketchup on rice. Ketchup on beans. If ketchup didn’t clash with milk, I have no doubt they’d even put it on their cereal. Running out of ketchup is not an option, so we tend to stock up on it at home and keep a constant inventory.
Eating out, however, can pose a challenge for those with a ketchup dependency. In The Netherlands, unlike America, restaurant diners aren’t presented with a full bottle supply at their table. The norm among the Dutch is rather to serve the equivalent of a shot glass of ketchup. And not per person but for the entire table.
A shot glass of ketchup, as Sophie and Ben will tell you, is so inadequate as to be ludicrous. It was with stunned disbelief that they received the news that, indeed, the ketchup in front of them…or should I say the ketchup that had been in front of them for all of the 10 seconds it took to consume it…was all the ketchup that they would get at this meal.
Howls of protest ensued, followed by gnashing of teeth, moans of disappointment and interminable fussing. Such is the 4 year-old and 2 year-old way of saying, sorry, but I thought you actually said you don’t have any more ketchup and that certainly can’t be true, can it?
Fortunately, Leslie was there. I didn’t mention that Leslie is a teacher. And not just any teacher but a teacher of pre-teen Army brats near a base in Germany. It is from this experience that she’s assembled an arsenal of tricks and tactics for use in almost any curricular or extra-curricular situation.
Leslie moved into action with a rapid deployment that would impress even the most battle-hardened field commander. Within seconds, Leslie had seized Ben and Sophie’s full attention and was introducing them to a spectrum of games. “I spy with my little eye…” Josy and I just stared at her and the strange pair of happy children we didn’t recognize. She had immediately diffused the atmosphere of agitation and kept the kids engaged until it was time to go.
in the dark. The romance of Amsterdam’s canals at night would soon be lost onAnd by time to go, I mean it was time to go home. As we left our table, the rain had subsided but daylight was fading and we could see no way the kids could hold out for a 75 min. boat tour children whose customary way of dealing with increasing sleepiness was to apply greater hyperactivity.

While we had to postpone our rondvaart until the following day, Leslie helped us learn an important lesson. Somehow, in the day to day fatigue that can result from parenting, it’s easy to forget that creative solutions are always at our disposal. And when the ketchup runs out, there’s no shortage of ways to keep kids occupied and prevent apocalyptic meltdowns.